Posted on by Tessa Hennessy

The Art of Friend-Making and Why I Suck at It

Source: George Moss

So anyone who knows me knows I’m awkward as f***. That’s how I have always been. I could blame the fact I was an only child, or that I was the friendless loser in high school. But either way, I am just not the most akin to the art of acting like a normal human being, at least in my eyes.

Due to this rather annoying inconvenience of mine, I have struggled with making and maintaining friendships. Though I have somewhat mastered the art of socializing and holding a conversation with others, I have never quite made it into the friend status with very many people. It can be frustrating at times, especially since everyone around me seems to be able to do it so easily.

So why can’t I do so as easily?

I contemplate this at times during my solitude after work. One day, the question seed I planted in my head finally grew and I realized something! Everyone I see around me, at least from my impression of things, have had a normally social life growing up, full of trials and tribulations of friendships and slowly building friendships throughout the years. I, unfortunately, shoved myself so far down my shell that I have only recently started to discover a way out.

Socializing and making friends is almost like a skill, similar to skills that you learn in school or work on after work. It’s something that people work on naturally every single day from the time they are born to the day they die. Everyday, the skill of building friendships evolve.

When I thinking of the situation in this light, I realize that it’s not that I can’t make friends; I just have a lot less practice than others my age.

I mean, just picture me in high school. While everyone else was excitedly talking to their friends at lunch, I was quietly reading in the corner on my Kindle. While everyone else went out with their friends on a Friday or Saturday night, I stayed at home and vicariously lived through the main characters of Degrassi: The Next Generation. While everyone else attended every school dance in grand attire, I was sitting at home in my PJs watching TV.

It’s no wonder why I suck at making friends! I have far less experience than everyone else!

I feel very weird saying that I need to practice a basic skill like talking to others my age, but I will say that it has genuinely helped a lot! I can honestly say that I have become much more social these past few months and I have even started to initiate social situations instead of waiting for them to come to me.

So as I increase my skills in the art of socializing, the art of friend making will slowly start to form any I will evolve into a true semi-social butterfly!



Posted on by Tessa Hennessy

Rethinking Valentine’s Day

Oh, Valentine’s Day. Aka: Single Awareness Day. Aka: Get a Room Day. Aka: OMG Stop Going On and On About your Significant Other Day.

I don’t know if it’s obvious, but I have always been kind of bitter about Valentine’s Day. This year will be especially rough, since it will be my first Valentine’s Day in three years that I will spend Single and a Pringle.

But lately, I have been rethinking Valentine’s Day.

If you were to describe Valentine’s Day with just one word, what would it be? You would probably say “love.” Well, here’s the thing, why would a holiday all about love be exclusively just for couples? To be fair, they are whom a lot of stores are marketing to, but what difference should that make?

Instead of focusing on what I do not have, I’m focusing on what I do. You know what I do have? I have familial love with my parents, who have been there for me since the very beginning. I have love for my friends, who stick with me through thick and thin. I have love for my job and coworkers, who have provided a wonderful and consistent work environment. I have love for my students who I get to see grow every single day. I have love for God, who makes everything possible. I even have love for myself, something that has taken me a very long time to get.

So I have decided that instead of dismissing Valentine’s Day as just another day, I am going to use it as an opportunity to show love towards those I care about. I will visit my parents, have a good laugh with my friends, let my co-workers know I appreciate them, show my students how much I care about them, and pray to God thanking Him for all the love that I am able to see in my life.

As for showing love for myself, who knows? I have been wanting a giant teddy bear for about seven years now…

Posted on by Tessa Hennessy

Venturous

venturous: adj. willing to take risks or embark on difficult or unusual courses of action

It’s been a trend the past couple of New Year’s where you put your New Year’s resolution into one word. No more “I’m going to lose weight” or “I’m going to go out more.” Now resolutions look more like “Health” or “Social” or “Thankfulness.”

I’m not one to normally make New Year’s resolutions; I’ve always found them a little cliched and redundant. Every year, I’d secretly tell myself I will eat healthier until I immediately quit after eating a cupcake. But this year, I decided to pick up on this new trend and make myself a goal of what I personally feel I need to work on.

I have been very shy since middle school, something I have slowly but surely work on throughout the years. I also have abandonment issues (fun stuff, I tell ya), which causes me to have difficulties making deep connections with other people. When I try to make friends, one of two things usually happen:

  1. I start forming a friendship with someone and, right when we start going deeper, I start distancing myself.
  2. I keep to myself and become more of an observer to conversation, as opposed to a participant. A lot of times it’s just easier to keep to myself than to put myself out there and risk getting ridiculed.

I am also the type of person that overthinks WAY too much. I have to wait at least two-three years before I get a tattoo. I have look at a shirt in a store for at least fifteen minutes and think through my entire closet for what it will match with before I decide to buy it. I have to think through every single scenario that might remotely happen before I decide to walk up and say hello to someone new. It’s EXHAUSTING!

One blessing I have received last year is becoming more self-aware of my mental health and how much these old habits have negatively affected my life. So I finally came to the point by New Year’s where I politely said “FU” to my past issues and decided to consciously work on myself this year.

So I chose the word “venturous.” I want to be more spontaneous and take more risks. I want to open myself up more to people and let my personality shine through more. I don’t want to be afraid anymore of what others think of me. I want to take more risks. I want to be free.

Part of my risk-taking is starting this blog. I’ve been wanting a way to share my thoughts about self-love and mental health, but I was scared that if I started this blog, no one would read it. But you know what? I embraced my new “venturous” self and I have officially started this blog! And I could not be more proud of myself for doing it.

So I hope whoever is reading this will decide to stick around as I share my journey with self-love. And, hopefully, you’ll get something out of it too!