venturous: adj. willing to take risks or embark on difficult or unusual courses of action

It’s been a trend the past couple of New Year’s where you put your New Year’s resolution into one word. No more “I’m going to lose weight” or “I’m going to go out more.” Now resolutions look more like “Health” or “Social” or “Thankfulness.”

I’m not one to normally make New Year’s resolutions; I’ve always found them a little cliched and redundant. Every year, I’d secretly tell myself I will eat healthier until I immediately quit after eating a cupcake. But this year, I decided to pick up on this new trend and make myself a goal of what I personally feel I need to work on.

I have been very shy since middle school, something I have slowly but surely work on throughout the years. I also have abandonment issues (fun stuff, I tell ya), which causes me to have difficulties making deep connections with other people. When I try to make friends, one of two things usually happen:

1. I start forming a friendship with someone and, right when we start going deeper, I start distancing myself.
2. I keep to myself and become more of an observer to conversation, as opposed to a participant. A lot of times it’s just easier to keep to myself than to put myself out there and risk getting ridiculed.

I am also the type of person that overthinks WAY too much. I have to wait at least two-three years before I get a tattoo. I have look at a shirt in a store for at least fifteen minutes and think through my entire closet for what it will match with before I decide to buy it. I have to think through every single scenario that might remotely happen before I decide to walk up and say hello to someone new. It’s EXHAUSTING!

One blessing I have received last year is becoming more self-aware of my mental health and how much these old habits have negatively affected my life. So I finally came to the point by New Year’s where I politely said “FU” to my past issues and decided to consciously work on myself this year.

So I chose the word “venturous.” I want to be more spontaneous and take more risks. I want to open myself up more to people and let my personality shine through more. I don’t want to be afraid anymore of what others think of me. I want to take more risks. I want to be free.

Part of my risk-taking is starting this blog. I’ve been wanting a way to share my thoughts about self-love and mental health, but I was scared that if I started this blog, no one would read it. But you know what? I embraced my new “venturous” self and I have officially started this blog! And I could not be more proud of myself for doing it.

So I hope whoever is reading this will decide to stick around as I share my journey with self-love. And, hopefully, you’ll get something out of it too!